Another year has passed, and if I had to summarize 2018 in just two phrases, they would be: my daughter Layla and leaving the comfort zone and starting over. In between, there were scattered events here and there, but nothing of great importance. Most of them were related to my attempts to regain my old approach to life and work.
Layla
4/4/2018: This is the most significant event in my life so far, as I believe. Despite all the major changes I’ve experienced before, none compares to this one. It’s not just about becoming a father, nor is it about the added responsibility, as some might put it. But even after more than 8 months since her birth, I still don’t fully comprehend it every time I look into her eyes or see her smile.
Everything changed with her: my feelings toward myself and the need to change and improve certain habits for her sake. Perhaps, for the first time, I had a real priority bigger than work and projects, which I was excessively devoted to. Also, my awareness of time and how it passes, how each day, week, and month brings changes, and how much she changes with it. I may have also come to understand the impact of time on humans more than anything else.
But what truly makes me happy is that over the past few months, I was present most of the time with her, focusing on many of her moments, details, and everything new she did. For the first time, I didn’t feel that overwhelming guilt and constant self-reproach for not doing anything professionally new for several days. The priority during that period was always for her, my wife, and the family life that I began to truly understand. This makes me happy and reassures me whenever I feel I’ve been neglecting my work because I can always catch up with it, but those moments in her life will never return.
Starting Over
One of the major changes last year was leaving Torium, the company I co-founded with Mohamed, where I spent over two years building and working on it. In this part of the blog, I’ll share the reasons why I decided to leave the company, especially since my experience there was unique and my exit was too. Most exit stories are filled with conflicts and complications, but my experience with Mohamed was different. Whether during our time working at the company or after I left, our relationship and friendship remained the same, and that is perhaps the most important thing.
Moreover, I’m sharing my experience because I enjoy hearing such stories and always feel there’s a scarcity in sharing them in our circles. Perhaps this blog will inspire someone going through a similar experience or thinking of doing so. Just to clarify, I won’t talk about the establishment and the company itself in this blog but will focus on my personal experience and what I’ve learned from it.
Reasons that led me to leave the company:
01. Company Lifestyle vs. Independence
If you remember the blog “Six Hours of Work and My Day Off,” I tried hard for several months to adapt to office hours, weekly breaks, and convincing myself that this was the best way. Then, about 8 months later, I realized that it wasn’t working. While this lifestyle has many advantages, I didn’t feel the sense of accomplishment that I was used to.
Nevertheless, before deciding to leave, I tried not working in the office and returning to freelance work without specific hours or commitments, but this didn’t solve the problem. The lifestyle and work method weren’t my only issues.
02. Conflict between My Identity and the Company’s Identity
Since I have a network of clients and many experiences before the company, I encountered a problem I never considered before the establishment. Questions kept coming up after every project I completed, particularly those related to branding and logos: Should I publish this branding on the company’s accounts, making it look like the company’s work? Or should I post it on my website and accounts? Should it appear as if I alone did the work or the company and its team?
You might think this is straightforward and simple, but it’s not. Most clients who came to work with me personally, not with the company and its team, wouldn’t prefer their work to be under the company’s name, especially those who are in the same field and take on projects from other clients.
Since the company wasn’t solely associated with me or design and its fields, this made things more complicated. Despite that, we managed to separate the company’s work from mine, but this led to additional challenges in prioritization and publishing on multiple platforms without fully focusing on any of them. I also couldn’t completely shake the feeling of being a double agent working for two sides.
03. Distraction That I Couldn’t Overcome
Perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of advice I can give to anyone starting a new company, especially if it’s their first experience, is not to start it alone. Having a partner will help with many things, especially practically: managing the company and the team and dividing the work, especially if the partner has technical experience that complements your skills. Psychologically, having someone to share the same worries and problems is invaluable, as handling pressures alone is hard. If you don’t have a trustworthy person, you’ll need to hire a manager or more, which has its drawbacks and challenges.
Even though this was positive for us, the distraction was significant in the company. I’m not talking about the number of tasks or their difficulty and time to complete, but rather the “lack of focus” and confusion. For us, the reason was simple and clear, but it couldn’t be easily fixed. The reason is that we were working on multiple fronts: client projects and their follow-ups, routine paperwork, our internal projects and their details, managing the company and team, and more. Most importantly, working hands-on instead of just managing, which I’ll talk about in the next section.
04. Designer vs. Founder and Manager
In the early days of your startup, you’ll be able to work, manage, and handle all tasks without any issues or distractions and pressures. But as time passes and the team grows, you’ll have to move away from the work itself and focus on managing the company and supervising it. This is an undeniable reality.
My problem was that I didn’t enjoy pure management without working, so I couldn’t focus on managing the company, planning for it, or dealing with daily tasks like employee management and task distribution. Simply, I preferred working over that, and my personal measure of success was based on what I did, not what I oversaw. At the same time, I couldn’t fully focus on the work itself, as every day, the list of tasks and pending items was longer than the previous day. The bottom line is that I couldn’t fully focus on anything!
05. My Profession and Specialization
This was probably the main and biggest reason among all those mentioned. I began neglecting my profession, which I consider the foundation of everything and the main driver for me to keep going. I couldn’t find any time to practice or develop it. I didn’t even have time to take on new projects, leading me to delay and refuse work, meaning I was regressing, not progressing. The feeling of coming up with a branding or logo idea, completing it, and delivering it didn’t compare to anything else for me, and I longed to return to that every day.
Add to that the idea of personal development, which had almost vanished. Despite my attempts to find a “hobby” or something new to break the routine, I failed. My primary hobby was and still is design, branding, and what I originally do.
06. Missing Starting Over
Aside from everything I wrote above, I missed the beginnings. I missed the freedom in decisions and experiments. While I love my profession and want to focus on it, I have some ideas and projects I want to try. With my continued involvement in the company, this became nearly impossible. So, returning to independence was the path to achieving that.
Here’s the question I hear now and then: Will I stay like this forever? I’ll leave the answer to that for the end of this blog, but first, I’ll summarize my experience with the company.
What I Learned from My Company Experience:
• Always document your agreements, no matter how simple, with everyone in the company immediately after discussing them, and try to include as many details as possible.
• Consider if the company should be remote or have a physical office, but don’t go for a mixed approach.
• Think about how much you love your profession and what you do, and balance that against managing the company, as it’ll be hard for a founder to work hands-on and manage at the same time.
• Your income and livelihood won’t change; it’s from God first and foremost and also linked to your skills, relationships, and capabilities. So don’t tie your decision to start a business or leave it at any point to money.
• The financial burdens and details of running a company are much greater than you imagine. Keep that in mind if you’re funding it yourself, not through investment or other means.
• Discuss any ideas and plans for the company with yourself, your partner, or the founders only, and don’t share them with employees, especially if they’re not ready for immediate execution.
• Don’t ignore your feelings that something is wrong; try to fix it if possible, and if you can’t, stop what you’re doing, gather yourself, and start again.
• Don’t settle for half-solutions. Once you’ve identified the solution, trust God and begin implementing it. Don’t try a middle ground or temporary fix, as it’ll waste your time and energy, and you’ll find yourself back at square one.
• Most importantly, enjoy everything you do and all your experiences and achievements, and always try to leave the comfort zone as soon as you feel you’ve been in it too long.
What’s Next?
Currently, I’m focusing more on branding and logos, giving each project the attention it deserves, and experimenting with new ideas and techniques in this field. I’m also trying to regularly share what I’m working on without delay. I’ll also try to return to writing more consistently, as it’s one of the things I enjoy most.
I also have a slightly different project that I’m working on without rushing. I hope to talk about and share it in the coming months of this year, God willing.
Finally, Will I Stay Like This Forever?
Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I don’t know, and I won’t stress myself out by planning for eternity. Right now, this seems to be the best approach for this stage of my life. Maybe I’ll start another company in the future, or maybe I’ll stay independent until I’m 70. Who knows, and who cares? As long as I have the ability and comfort to experiment and the belief that my livelihood is from God, first and foremost, it’s the life I love and live for.